Now that Thanksgiving is coming up and Christmas is right around the corner it seems like we need a little adjustment to ensure that everyone knows the rules for calculating the calorie intake.
1. If you are eating something and nobody sees it. It does NOT contain calories.
2. If your drink is a diet it will break down any calories that may be eaten with the drink. (e.g. a bowl of ice cream + diet coke = 0 calories).
3. If and when you are eating in the presence of others. The only calories that counts are for the amount you eat more than anyone else.
4. Food items consumed for medical purpose such as hot chocolate and red wine never counts.
5. The more you surround yourself with people curvier than yourself the slimmer you appear.
6. Food items consumed during entertainment (popcorn, chips, chocolate etc.) does NOT contain any calories as they are not food items but part of the entertainment.
7. Bakery items does not contain calories if eaten by breaking small pieces of a larger piece as calories evaporates in the process of breaking a piece off.
8. Anything licked of cookware during cooking/baking does NOT contain calories as it is part of the cooking process.
9. Food items with the same color contain the same amount of calories (e.g. strawberries and strawberry swirl ice cream).
10. Any food item that has been frozen does not contain calories as calories is a heat unit.
That's it :-)
ps. Calories are tiny animals that live in your closet shrinking your clothes every night.